We were introduced to Queen Maria Isabella, the first queen in Medieval Times history who began her reign in 2018 after decades of male-only leadership in the castle. The chicken was juicy, the potato was adequately spiced, and I probably could’ve drunk another two bowls of that creamy tomato soup.Īs we ate, the show began in earnest. I tore into all of it with my hands, as intended. Our waiter, whose countenance was more “bored stoner” than “devoted serf,” brought plastic, pewter-colored mugs filled with Pepsi or lemonade to our table, followed by bowls of tomato bisque for sipping and bread for dipping, and the main course of half of a roast chicken, half of a roasted potato, and a massive hunk of boneless pork rib. The food, though, was somehow exactly as I remembered it as a kid: surprisingly good. And I could course-correct the memories of my mom slapping my hands away from crowns and swords in the merch store, because I am now a person with her own bank account and can buy as many damn flower crowns as I want. Exorbitant, yes, but sometimes joy is expensive. I only barely winced at the price of my punch and commemorative cup, which after tip was somewhere in the neighborhood of $30. In addition to flagons (okay, pint glasses) of ale (Shiner Bock, but whatever) and glasses of wine, there were also a slew of cocktails, including boozy frozen daiquiris and fruity rum punch, all of which I could now legally purchase. As the show’s story - which is the same at every location - goes, guests are attending a feast at the castle of Queen Maria Isabella and are divided into color-coded cheering sections for knights that compete in the tournament, jousting their way to becoming the Queen’s champion.Īs bonafide adults unleashed into the castle, our group’s first stop was, of course, the bar. Now, there are 10 castles scattered across the United States and Canada, which have, according to the chain, hosted more than 72 million lords and ladies (read: guests) across the decades. The first Medieval Times location opened in Spain in 1973, and the budding chain expanded to the States a decade later with its first U.S. But as I realized a few weeks ago, going to Medieval Times as an adult fucking rules.Ī few weeks ago, after hearing that a friend had never been, I rounded up a group to make the journey to the castle. Medieval Times is, of course, intended to inspire this kind of awe and joy in children who actually believe that the knights are real. I had fond memories of the novelty of tearing apart a roasted chicken with my hands, sipping nonalcoholic daiquiris out of a fluted souvenir glass, and perhaps most importantly, wearing a crown with flowers and ribbons that streamed down my back. I had been to Medieval Times - essentially Middle Ages dinner theater with horses, sword fights, and a simple meal that you eat with your hands - a few times in the ’90s, at least once on a school field trip and another time with my family. Often drenched in ’90s nostalgia, there is no place on earth quite like Medieval Times.
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